Independence is happiness.
Susan B. Anthony
As my son has gotten older, he has been asking questions about what it means to be independent.
My standard answer is that being independent means taking responsibility for your life and making decisions that affect you.
Taking responsibility involves tasks such as chores, schoolwork, and personal care. It means managing time effectively and fulfilling commitments without relying too much on others.
Decision-making means making choices about hobbies, friendships, daily schedules, and more. It’s also about understanding the consequences of your actions and making decisions that are right for you.
Independence also involves speaking up for yourself and your needs, whether at school, home, or in social situations. It’s about expressing your opinions and standing up for your beliefs.
As you age, your responsibility and number of decisions grow, as does your ability to cope with challenges and setbacks. This means learning from mistakes, handling stress, and bouncing back from difficulties until you can solve problems and handle situations on your own.
We give our son opportunities as a teenager to be responsible for himself and to make decisions that affect him. But there is a limit, not only because of his age but also because of his circumstances.
It’s not always clear what our expectations should be, now and in the future. He struggles with executive functioning and memory, both of which are important to making good decisions and remembering things like medications. His awareness, both of himself and of situations, is also a challenge. While we continue to try and improve these skills, likely, he will always need support.
It’s important for us to normalize that being independent doesn’t mean he can’t ask for help when he needs it or that he is alone in his journey. It’s okay to need support. Being independent is about growing into his own person, making informed decisions, and taking responsibility for his life, whatever that will look like for him.